Mr. Right (Now)

It’s the end of summer, 2008, and I’m lying in bed with the pitter patter of rain striking the bay window. It’s been three months after my horrible breakup that left me shattered, and most of my summer weekends have been spent dating various guys. None of the guys have made it past the third date…

Now those same rain drops that used to soothe me to sleep feel like striking hammers against the glass, while I’m lost in a daze, feeling empty, and wondering why I haven’t met a guy who’s come even an inch close to what my ex and I had.
A year and another few bad dates later, I met one of my best friends, Solmaz, an Azerbaijani born and raised in the States. Like me, she was single, had had her heart broken by a guy that she loved, and had been through quite a few bad dates herself.

Since meeting her, I’ve seen her go through one guy after another, and not truly get very far with any of them. Like me, she’s dated all the colors of the rainbow, from Persians, to Whites, Hispanics, Indians, and the list goes on. So why is it that neither of us can find what we’re looking for in a guy?

They’re either too cheap, too full of themselves, too shy, too horny, too loud and rude, too much o f a player, or just plain blah! All the men that are into us we’re not into.
Is there something wrong with us? Good looking, check. Educated, great personalities, check and check. Good in bed, triple check! And yet, no dice.

Why is it that we sit by and watch our other friends get paired up with different boys and girls and have lasting relationships while we struggle to even find a good man to date? Where’s our Mister Right?

After almost three years of being single, I’m starting to doubt that there even is a Mister Right. And upon examining my friends and their boyfriends and girlfriends, I can honestly say that almost all of them have settled. Each one has a significant flaw that would stop me from dating them. In my eyes the people they have relationships with are nothing special at all, neither in looks nor personality. In layman’s terms, my friends have gotten past Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Right Now.

For me, that’s a hard pill to swallow. If I’m going to give my time, body, and soul to someone, shouldn’t he be amazing? Shouldn’t I be able to look at him every day and be able to say “wow I’m such a lucky guy”? That’s sure how I felt about my past relationships, but then look at how those turned out.

The fact of the matter is, people change. Our life experiences, especially those involving love, shape how we view the world, and determine how thick of a wall, if any, we build around our hearts. After a bad breakup, we spend weeks, months even, trying to pick up the pieces of our shattered hearts and souls. However we try though, we can never put the pieces back together perfectly as they were. Our hearts and minds have now changed, and so has our view of relationships, love, and commitment.

So as I look at these bland couples, with each passing day that giant pill becomes easier to swallow, for I see that life is not so perfect. Sometimes we have to settle and compromise on our desires to try to find happiness. That perfect image of a man or woman and the romance story we build for ourselves is just a fairy tale.

How can love and life be perfect, when our broken hearts have been changed forever?


About thepersiancloset

Hey there! I'm a gay Iranian-American raised in the US, studying Dentistry and hoping to open up my own practice some day. Being brought up in a Persian household proved (and proves!) to be difficult when my very liberal gay self clashes with the more conservative members of the household. Follow me on a week to week journey of growing up Gay in the Persian closet!
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One Response to Mr. Right (Now)

  1. Bella says:

    My favorite blog 🙂

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