In my three years of singledom, I’ve seen six of my friends go through hard breakups. With each one of them it frustrated me to see them go through the same cycle that I went through, making the same mistakes, and prolonging their hurt state.
The best lessons in life are learned the hard way, so take advantage of my and my friends’ mistakes and successes and follow this list to a healthy break up.
1. Send All His Crap Back!
Chances are, while you were together, he gave you a thing or two (and I’m sure you did the same). Send it all back! Every little present, love symbol, or random buy will remind you of him and prolong your focus on the past. So send it packing, even if it’s some expensive ring. Trust me, the faster you get rid of it, the better you’ll feel.
2. Burn Your Memories Away
Or at least the ones printed on paper. The longer you hold onto anything “symbolic of your love,” the more you’ll hurt on the inside. I know, it sounds so cliché, burning your love letters, birthday cards, and pictures, but I can honestly say that I’ve never felt more free than when I burned all of the above in my fireplace one cloudy winter day. It felt as if a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders, and I cried and cried, only this time it was tears of joy, from a feeling of accomplishment and victory over my past and my life.
3. Pick Up the Pieces
You’ve been badly hurt, your hearts shattered, and your emotions are sure to follow. Spend some time alone, cry if you need to, read some books, write a poem, or just reflect on who you are and what you want from life. Learn to love yourself again and realize that no matter who leaves you in this world, you’re still an amazing person, as unique as your fingerprint, one who deserves happiness. The fact that someone fell in love with you in the first place is proof enough of how great you are, regardless of their feelings towards you now.
4. He’s Not All That
When my ex-girlfriend left me for a black guy (and not the Obama type, rather the type with a rackety car blasting obnoxious rap music), I felt horrible. How could she leave me for him? How am I less of a man? When my ex-boyfriend left me for another guy (before he got married to a woman), I didn’t let myself see this new guys picture. And yet in my head I created this superior image of him, clearly he had to be better than me, in looks, personality, smarts, the whole package. I beat myself down, and felt like I was undeserving of love.
Then three years later, just last week, as fate would have it, Facebook referred a certain someone to me to befriend. The name sounded familiar, and after a second of absorbing who it was, I literally laughed my ASS off! Not only did this guy dress like a hobo, but he looked like the offspring between a nerd and a troll. All the fantasies of him being superior to me in any way vanished in an instant and all I could do is laugh: laugh at myself, for even creating such an image, and furthermore at my ex, who had left me for this guy.
So if your ex has left you for someone else, just know that chances are, they aren’t all that. And even if they do have bigger boobs or a bigger wang, who cares? There’s a saying in Farsi: Kaftar ba Kaftar, Baz ba Baz, Hamjens ba Hamjens Parvaz. It translates into Doves with Doves, Hawks with Hawks, Those that are alike fly together. So let him/her fly with this new party, they deserve each other, and you deserve someone as special as you!
5. Don’t Seek Revenge
This is the mistake that I see the most. Revenge is like a disease, it consumes your entire soul and personality, until you turn into a grim, ugly person. It might bring you temporary relief, but you’ll always want to hurt him or her even more, similar to a drug addict that just can’t get enough.
I, for one, believe in Karma. Let fate and God take care of him/her. Whatever he gives to the World, the World will throw right back at him, good and bad. And when it does, you’ll have the comfort and peace of knowing that justice has been served. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, but someday that same knife will plunge into their heart, and they’ll be the ones needing guidance on how to survive a breakup.
Until then, keep your heads up, put on a smile, rock out to music, and live your life to the fullest. There are billions of us on this world, there’s bound to be one out there who won’t break your precious heart.