Ball and Chain

I know, it seems silly that even though I don’t have a boyfriend I’m going to blog about commitment, but it’s definitely something that’s been on my mind throughout my years and is on the mind of men and women everywhere.

Even when I was madly in love, the idea of long term commitment was hard to digest. Sure I could see myself with someone three, maybe five years down the line. But who’s to say where I’ll be ten, twenty years from now, let alone who I’ll be with. The idea of waking up next to the same person or making love to the same person for decades seems, well, scary. Would there even be love after so many years?

Upon examining married couples, the ones whose marriages have survived all the turmoil and stress of married life seem to be more ‘in respect’ rather than in love, or are just together for the sake of their kids. This is especially true in Middle Eastern cultures where divorce is more taboo than the West; most married couples stay together just for the sake of their children’s future as opposed to actually liking the person they are living with.

And yet women seem a lot more comfortable with the idea of commitment than men. Most seem to be looking for someone to settle down and have babies with while men struggle with the idea well into their thirties. After all, what if somebody better comes along? And the idea of my money becoming “our” money is off putting all on its own.

So is it any wonder that in a world dominated solely by men, so many of us are single? Most of the relationships I’ve seen between gay men last between months to a couple of years, max. Sure, there’s that one old school couple who’s been together for fifteen years, but how many of those guys do you know? Even when examining civil union or gay marriage ceremonies, the majority of the attendees are middle aged, not to mention women.

Could it be that amongst straight couples it is the women that coax the guys into marriage? It sure seems to be portrayed that way in movies and sitcoms. Or is it that as gay men we find it hard to commit to a single person in a community, that for the most part, revolves around superficial beauty and sex? We’re always looking around to see who’s the hottest, who’s abs are more firm, who’s eyes are more captivating, and who’s clothes stand out the most.

It’s as if there’s all this controversy about gay marriage and yet there aren’t that many gay men lining up to take the plunge to make city hall any more rich…


About thepersiancloset

Hey there! I'm a gay Iranian-American raised in the US, studying Dentistry and hoping to open up my own practice some day. Being brought up in a Persian household proved (and proves!) to be difficult when my very liberal gay self clashes with the more conservative members of the household. Follow me on a week to week journey of growing up Gay in the Persian closet!
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