Experiments in life are fun. Especially ones involving going undercover!
Recently I ventured onto the campus of U of I in Urbana to rondeveoux with a few straight friends (who consequently didn’t know about my sexual orientation). Instead of spoiling the fun and having the awkward “oh man now we have a gay guy staying with us straight folk for the weekend” experience, I decided to just play along, put on my best straight guy face, and go for the ride.
Now, as a gay man I’m certainly no stranger to hanging out with the guys at the bars on the weekend. Little did I know that the straight version of this experience would be drastically different.
Here’s a little compare and contrast for your viewing pleasure:
Typical Guys Night: Boystown
1. Decide a bar to meet at with friends.
2. Get there an hour late.
3. Scramble to get past the creepy old timers checking out fresh meat in search of friends.
4. Walk through the crowds in search of a quiet corner (but one where you’re noticed as well).
5. Gossip and catch up for at least an hour.
6. Get bored of gossiping, check guys out, and make fun of others.
7. Maybe go dancing.
8. Kiss on the cheek and go home.
Typical Guys Night: Straightsville
1. Get the guys together at your place.
2. Pregame with shots of vodka, tequila, and rum.
3. Go to another friend’s house for more pregaming.
4. Talk about sports and girls who might show up at the bar.
5. Get to the bars half drunk.
6. Grab a drink, run into the middle of the crowd in search of women. 7. Drink some more until the 5’s and 6’s start looking like 9’s.
8. Try to hook up with the beer goggle 9’s.
9. Get ‘shitfaced’ and make an ass out of yourself.
10. Have your drunk friends drag you home.
11. Maybe stop by taco bell on the way.
The latter experience was, to say the least, unique. All men, two very different worlds. What’s funny is that I wouldn’t mind doing either one again (maybe except for the whole Taco Bell and pretending to like girls schpeal)!