Love After Love

Do you believe in it? Love after love. Cher sure did.

After three long years of searching for a guy who’d make it past the third date, I finally found him.

We had great chemistry, enjoyed each other’s company and were incredibly comfortable with one another, the sex was good (sometimes great), and we loved exploring new restaurants, places, and cultures with one another. Our relationship lasted a little over four months…

We just couldn’t fall in love with one another. Both parties thought of each other as incredibly sweet and caring, but something was just missing. On my end I couldn’t fathom saying those three simple words to him, for if I did, I’d be lying. And I felt guilty, we felt guilty, because nothing was really “wrong” in the relationship, so we both held out ending it, for a couple weeks anyway. He finally initiated the break up, I cemented it.

I know so many men and women who fall in love so easily, engulfed by infatuation for the man or woman they’re dating, while just a few months back they were in love with some other person.

So why is it so hard for the rest of us to fall in love again?

Some will say after a bad breakup we have our guards up. Others state that we just haven’t found the one. Still others have told me that I needed to put in more time into the relationship.

Probably the most unique response I got from an older gay friend was that the way in which we love changes after each relationship, and that we need to adjust our view of love and work harder to stay with the person we’re with.

Personally I don’t believe that my guard was so drastically up that I wouldn’t fall for someone, nor do I think that putting more time in a loveless relationship will one day magically create love between us – a sense of respect, definitely, love, no. And how can I go from that gut wrenching, crazy in love feeling, to just this ‘meh’ factor I felt for my ex? The way I love couldn’t have changed that much.

So do I believe in love after love?

I’d like to believe in it.

It’s surely proving to be a difficult road. Even when I find the ideal guy on paper, he strikes out in emotions.

To some love comes easy, to others it’s a rarity.

Those who find rarities, however, are surely to cherish them more.



About thepersiancloset

Hey there! I'm a gay Iranian-American raised in the US, studying Dentistry and hoping to open up my own practice some day. Being brought up in a Persian household proved (and proves!) to be difficult when my very liberal gay self clashes with the more conservative members of the household. Follow me on a week to week journey of growing up Gay in the Persian closet!
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4 Responses to Love After Love

  1. Alejandro says:

    The persuit of love itself is one of the most dificult journeys one must take, Love itself has no natural boundaries nor restrictions, Its not something one can plan out nor try to form within a given timeframe. The best thing one can do is live each day with an open mind and a welcoming heart, Let your heart see, what your eyes cannot and in due time, the heart will learn to love once more.

  2. Dace says:

    I will join those who say that it was not the right person. We are capable at loving many people throughout our lives and sometimes love comes early and sometimes it doesn’t come at all. You need to take it easy and enjoy whatever comes. Just because you guys had some things in common and were able to have a good time, it doesn’t mean that it would turn into love.

    You can’t tell your heart whom to love and when. Sometimes you meet somebody amazing but you do not feel anything for them and sometimes it can just be physical lust.

    Do I believe in love after love? Of course, I do. We can’t live without love and we will fall in love eventually. We might choose not to react on it and not get into relationships due to all kids of reasons, but you will fall in love when the right person comes by.

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