No-dar

Googly eyes, romantic glances, a throwback of long silky hair, and a sweet smile sent your way.

Yes, it’s every gay man’s worst nightmare: having a woman after you!

Now, usually women have better gaydar than their straight male counterparts, but then there’s that select few who have no gaydar whatsoever, or no-dar. After all, there is a slew of gay men out there married to women for variant reasons with their wives having no clue as to the sexuality of their spouse.

So how do you tell a woman who’s really into you to, well, back off?

If you’re lucky, she’s just a stranger and is hitting on you superficially and you can let her know with a whisper to the ear that she’s barking up the wrong tree. But if she’s a friend, a coworker, or another more intimate relation, then you’re in a pinch.

You don’t want to slam your sexuality in her face and offend her or break her heart, neither do you want to pretend that she has any chance with you, so what do you do?

Approach 1: Cocky it up.

I mean it, treat her really poorly. Objectify women, start criticizing her clothes, even tell her she needs to lose a couple pounds (ouch!). This is better for coworkers or a classmate who won’t get the hint. It’s better if she thinks you’re a cocky jerk of a guy then if you tell her that you’re gay, at least until she gets over you.

Approach 2: Start talking about your “girlfriend.”

There is no quicker way to get rid of a woman than to have her believe you already belong to someone else. She might be upset that she now has no chance with you, but it’ll be much better than telling her she’s spent the last x number of days fantasizing about a gay man.

Approach 3: Be anti-marriage, anti-commitment.

Usually women want a man who will settle down with them in the short or long term future. If you start spitting out anti-marriage and anti-commitment sentiments, she’ll (hopefully) get the hint and move onto a more suitable approach. Obviously if she’s looking for something…er…less serious, this approach won’t be as affective.

Approach 4: Flamboyance is key.

Play on the gay stereotypes: tell her you love her shoes, earrings, or guess what she did with her hair today. Throw in a random compliment about a guy you think is cute. The key is making your sexually so obvious that she finally figures it out, letting her think that she’s the one who ‘almost’ made the mistake of falling for a gay man.

I’ve had my share of women wanting to get into my pants, and this blog was inspired by a recent encounter.

Usually, even with women who have just started to show interest, telling them you’re gay doesn’t have a positive ending. They over react, are way too upset than expected, and it really ends up hurting your friendship or chance of thereof.

Unless she is someone who you know very well, I recommend taking a non-direct approach for your (and her) sake.

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About thepersiancloset

Hey there! I'm a gay Iranian-American raised in the US, studying Dentistry and hoping to open up my own practice some day. Being brought up in a Persian household proved (and proves!) to be difficult when my very liberal gay self clashes with the more conservative members of the household. Follow me on a week to week journey of growing up Gay in the Persian closet!
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