Dear Diary


18…naïve…and confused.

My first (to be) love had just opened himself up to me and my emotions were running wild. Emotions I was not “supposed” to have – an attraction to another man.

What else could I do but question the Creator? He made me one way and yet his books told me to behave contrary to his creation.

I couldn’t fathom it – I still can’t.

Six years later, my first love ended up choosing a pretend life with a woman while I still struggle to find my way in this crazy world of ours, as I was created, as I am.

I believe, however, that the Creator did hear my cries, only the response was not of hate and condemnation. Through my experiences I’ve grown stronger, more complete of an individual, and take on each new day with stride.

To todays 18 year olds facing similar circumstances, I offer these words:

Yes, every day is a struggle, and you will question many things in your life: your parents, your faith, the reflection of who you are. But if you keep on trekking and taking things day by day, through growth and strength of heart, soul, and mind you shall persevere.

You were created this way for a reason. Be proud of who you are, and take a cold shoulder to those who hate you just for being YOU.

You don’t tell them how to live their lives, they have no right to tell you how to live yours.

I wish you love, good company, and many smiles in 2012. May you have a homophobic-free year.



About thepersiancloset

Hey there! I'm a gay Iranian-American raised in the US, studying Dentistry and hoping to open up my own practice some day. Being brought up in a Persian household proved (and proves!) to be difficult when my very liberal gay self clashes with the more conservative members of the household. Follow me on a week to week journey of growing up Gay in the Persian closet!
This entry was posted in Gay Secrets, Life, Love and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Dear Diary

  1. lifecloseted says:

    Thank you. So inspiring and relatable.

    • I’m glad you liked the piece. I read a couple of your entries as well…just take things day by day, through time you’ll know what you want – and what you want THIS moment might change too!

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