A while back, I wrote a blog about long term commitment and how most men, including myself, had issues with the idea of being strapped to someone for many years.
Well…now another issue arises in the extreme opposite spectrum (like love wasn’t complicated enough!):
In between hookups, friends with benefits, f-buddies, and booty calls, I remain standing asking myself: Where has the morality gone?!
I’m no angel myself nor am I looking for one, but from the things I’ve seen and heard, I struggle to find a man to date who can count the number of lovers he’s had on one hand. And you know it’s REALLY bad when the guy won’t even give you a ballpark of how many guys he’s been with.
My generation and the ones after mine have developed a culture that’s obsessed with sex. And the better looking you are in the gay community, the more attention you get, and the more of a man-whore you become.
Isn’t it bad enough that as men we already have commitment issues, but now we’re faced with trying to find a good looking guy who hasn’t turned into big headed sexaholic. I wouldn’t be comfortable dating someone I know who’s slept with a lot of guys because I’d be paranoid that he’d cheat on me left and right! And if he’s been with that many people you KNOW that the chance of him cheating are high. Or even worse, if he’s had sex with his friends how could you possibly trust them alone together…yikes.
It’s gotten so bad that recently an acquaintance of mine tried to convince me that orgies are not wrong. He was obviously trying to get me to join and more than anything I was offended that he’d think that I’d let my body be used like a football being thrown around by a bunch of guys. I have self-worth, self-respect, and above all believe that sex should be something intimate between TWO consenting adults. He was offended that I thought so (and we no longer speak).
I’m by no means a religious person. I hold the belief that you don’t need religion to have morals. We’re hard wired with a sense of right and wrong, and with our parents’ help those senses are cemented further. And if you’re religious, then your holy books will literally spell right and wrong out for you.
I think when it comes to sex and commitment we’ve lost our respect for morality. We choose to ignore what our gut tells us and sleep with a complete stranger (or a friend) just for the sake of a couple hours of fun. And this is by no means restricted to gay men, college campuses are a haven for casual sex between heterosexuals.
But as any gay man knows, at the end of the day you’ll still feel empty, still be lonely, as hookups, fwb, booty calls, etc are just a temporary fix to a much more complicated problem.