White Washed

Copyright Theodore Gray 2008

I’ve noticed that in the mainstream realm of gay men in the United States, there seems to be this unspoken “ideal” for the gay man and a prejudice which follows for those who differ from the ideal.

Who is the ideal gay man you ask?

Fit, outspoken, fashionable, and most importantly, White.

The first three criteria most can do something about (albeit still ridiculous), the last criterion, however, is borderline racist.

This ugly sentiment is plastered on gay men’s profiles, with headings such as “No Asians or Blacks” or “There’s too many Hispanics on here” or even as far as “Sorry guys, whites only.” Not to mention that every time a gay ad is plastered somewhere, it’s two beautiful white guys holding hands and running on a beach somewhere.

I mean sure, who doesn’t want a man who looks good, can dress himself, and has an opinion or two. But White? Come on, this isn’t medieval Europe anymore.

And if it’s not a direct statement that’s being made, the attitude that white culture outweighs others is definitely present. Most white guys are willing to go on dates with non-whites, but the other party soon realizes that it’s all a front if you’re not white washed yourself.

I’ve personally dated white men who acted like my culture and traditions were completely ridiculous and that I needed to conform to THEIR lifestyle because clearly their way of life was superior to mine.

As a man who’s tried his whole life to hold onto his traditions in this country, I take great offense to this kind of condescending behavior. If people didn’t hold onto their traditions, then everyone in the US would be eating Turkey and mashed potatoes every day, dressing the same, and worshipping the same God. There would be no diversity, no sense of cultural interaction, or improvement in your own culture as people tend to take on good things in other cultures to themselves and keep out the bad.

What saddens me even more is that gay Middle Eastern men especially, conform SO easily. Perhaps it’s a sense that their own culture back home didn’t accept them so they seek a new one that will. Still, it makes them difficult to date when they too, put on a condescending front when they find out that you’ve held onto a shred of your ancestor’s homeland.

Now obviously there’s many gay white men who date Asians, Indians, Blacks, Middle Easterners, etc and accept them for who they are. But the main stream culture is still the giant flamboyant pink elephant In the room and there’s no real change in sight from where I’m standing.

How sad that in Melting Pot of sushi, Chinese, Indian, Shwarma, etc we call home our own community insists on sticking to boiled potatoes for dinner.


About thepersiancloset

Hey there! I'm a gay Iranian-American raised in the US, studying Dentistry and hoping to open up my own practice some day. Being brought up in a Persian household proved (and proves!) to be difficult when my very liberal gay self clashes with the more conservative members of the household. Follow me on a week to week journey of growing up Gay in the Persian closet!
This entry was posted in Dating, Discrimination, Life and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to White Washed

  1. Donte says:

    Very good post! I agree I see so much of what you speak on Okcupid. It’s really sad to see.

    • Hey there.

      Okcupid seems to be a website dedicated to advertising yourself while ignoring everyone around you. A real “mean girls” club where no one talks to each other.

      What’s funny is that the straight version of Okcupid has flourished almost as much as match.com. Just goes to show how shallow our community is!

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