Can I have a Cheat Sheet?



Elementary. Middle School. High School. And even College.

What do they all have in common other than teachers, students, and horrible food?


It feels like almost half our life (depending on when you decide to end your school career) is spent with our brains being probed and prodded for the correct answer with exams. But, it’s a fact of life – assessment is needed to see you progress throughout school and I’ve come to terms with it.

You eventually complete school and move onto your career, family, retirement etc. Life moves on from tests, and I couldn’t be happier about that fact.

So imagine my surprise (and annoyance) when every single practicing Muslim I tell that I’m gay is telling me that I’m being tested by God. Here’s how the scenario usually plays out:

Me: So and so, I need to tell you something. You might already know, but I’m gay. I like guys.

Them: Estaqfor’Allah (God forbid)! Well, have you prayed to God to help you?

Me: I did when I was younger. I prayed almost every day, but in time I’ve come to terms that He created me this way.

Them: Well, then He is testing you. We all have tests that we’re given. Yours is homosexuality, another person might be a pathological liar, another person might like to steal and so on. Keep on praying to him and Insha’Allah (God willing) He’ll help you get through this.

So let me get this straight. We all are tested by God – some have to control their impulses to steal, others impulses to lie, and I…I not only have to NOT fall in LOVE, but also LIE to a woman for the rest of my life about my who I really am, FORCE myself to have sex with her to procreate, and then SUPPRESS my urges to cheat on her on top of it because I am so UNHAPPY.

What kind of a FUCKED UP test is this?!

How come I get the short end of the stick? At least in school everyone’s test is the same or standardized! Anything in Islam which can harm your body or mind is forbidden (e.g. alcohol), so how is it that now God, all of a sudden, wants me to lie, suppress my feelings, not fall in love, and force myself to have sex with a person whom I don’t love or am even attracted to. That is not healthy! That is HARMING your body and mind!

So to all the Muslims out there (or even Christian, Jews, Agnostics, Hindus etc!) who support this mentality, use the most precious gift that God gave you on this earth. Use your mind!

No loving and just God would want someone to suffer like this. No just God would be so unfair as to give gay people such a difficult test and others a comparably laughable one. If so, He’d at least give us a cheat sheet!


About thepersiancloset

Hey there! I'm a gay Iranian-American raised in the US, studying Dentistry and hoping to open up my own practice some day. Being brought up in a Persian household proved (and proves!) to be difficult when my very liberal gay self clashes with the more conservative members of the household. Follow me on a week to week journey of growing up Gay in the Persian closet!
This entry was posted in Conditional Love, Gay Pride, Life and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Can I have a Cheat Sheet?

  1. Alex says:

    great blog! I am a fellow gay persian-american…and it is like reading my own stories sometimes 🙂

  2. Sina says:

    i really like your posts . as an Iranian gay teenager who lives in iran , i know how it feels like , when no one understands you 😦 even your parents :/

    • That’s why it’s important to have a strong support group of friends Sina jan. My best friend has done more for me than any relative of mine – the saying blood is thicker than water only goes so far! Try to meet other gay iranians as friends and form a support group for one another.

      • Sina says:

        Yeah i agree , a group of people who support each other helps so much, but sadly , all of my friends insult gays , they believe that it’s a choice to be gay or not . only one of my net friends , who is Iranian , understands me .
        i thought about it so much ,we don’t belong to this country and it’s people . maybe the only way to live happily is to get out of here .

    • You should ask them when they chose to be straight. And if it’s a choice then they can go and be with the same sex right? True friends accept you for who you are, not who they want you to be.

      Things in Iran are horrible for gays. If you can get out GET OUT. If not please becareful and be cautious with who you trust – while at the same time still being yourself and not giving into peer pressure of marriage. Best of luck 🙂

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