I love dreams. They tell us so much about our conflicts in our lives and how to go about facing them. In dreams you don’t block out pain or fear, you confront it.

A dream I had last night sparked this blog entry.

In the dream, I was throwing a huge celebration, one that I had put my heart and soul into to perfect. And out of nowhere comes no other but my ex-boyfriend, looking amazing, in better shape than I, glowing with all smiles, and becoming the center of attention. The dream ended with him telling me that he had moved a town over from me four years ago, news which was a blow to my self-esteem, to have moved a few minutes away and not have come to see me even once in four years till now?

Back in reality of the awake, it was time for reflection.

Three realizations set it in: He appeared in my dream because subconsciously I knew that Autumn was our most beautiful time together. Him moving close and not talking to me for four years was in conjunction with the fact that we broke up four years ago and haven’t kept in touch. Finally, the sheer power he had on me at the party and my self-esteem just shows me how much that man has shaped me.

The fact of the matter is, the people who we first give our hearts to, who we experience love and sex with, who have our entire being at their disposal, are also (and naturally) the ones who shape how we see and treat our dates in the future.

Some people luck out, for they get married to that first true love and never have to worry about how they treat others because there is no need to date.

While the rest of us are forced to go through a breakup, and how that man or woman treats you during that break up, how much pain is inflicted, what horrible things are said, and how you feel about yourself thereafter plays a huge role in how you interact with men or women in the future.

The first man I gave my heart to, the one who till this day haunts me in my dreams, decided that it’d be best if I was torn to shreds of unrecognizable pieces. He knew that he was my first, he knew that he was the only one I had given my world  to, and yet he acted in a way to ensure that I wouldn’t be able to love like that again. The way that my ex treated me has shaped how I treat men I date today, cautiously and consciously, with a big electric fortified fence around my heart.

So be as kind as possible to people who give their hearts to you, even in breakups, because you’ll have a hand in shaping their personality and future too.

Keep dreaming. Keep reflecting. Grow.

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Better with Age

Ok I admit it, I have a soft spot for older men.

And I think lots of girls and gay guys are on the same page as me when I say – some of the hottest guys around are 40+ and like a fine wine, get better with each and every passing year.

So who makes the cut in my book? Take a gander and try not to drool.


1. Tom Ford: Fashion guru.

Tall, dark, and handsome – and apparently into older men as well (only for his older man the magic pill will have to come into play).

2. Mahsun Kirmizigul: Turkish pop star.

Coming from Kurdish background from Turkey, this finely marinated piece of kebab can whisper Turkish love songs in my ear any day.

3. Anderson Cooper: Journalist.

The epiphany of perfection, Anderson recently (and finally) came out about his sexual orientation. I’m sure you’d love to have him at your side on a night out. He’d probably make you look smarter too.

4. Robert Downey Jr: Iron Man or Sherlock?

Who cares? Funny, charismatic, and a bad boy to the core, he can be my body of steel and figure out my naughty little secrets anytime, anywhere.

5. George Clooney: Everyone drool.

Who doesn’t love him? The man ages ridiculously well and is the perfect mix of Irish, Spaniard, Italian, German and Armenian. Apparently it takes that many nations to create such a feat.

Now take that napkin and wipe the drool off.

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Of Dolmas and Deities


In the United States, we see an array of personas on television, from religious leaders to talk show hosts who spout on and on about sex, to homosexual men like Nate Berkus who give decoration and cooking tips. All of the things mentioned are cultural acceptable in the United States by most families (albeit more amongst Urban families than Suburban and Rural families).

The latter two topics, however, are not religiously accepted. You will never see a sermon in Church being given on homosexuality or the pastor so loosely talk about sex.

Thus a division occurs between religious people who don’t accept homosexuals as a member of society and those who are not as religious or not religious at all who gladly befriend homosexuals and have them in their lives.

Now imagine what would happen if homosexuality was also culturally unacceptable…

Now those same people who were not as religious or even atheist will not accept homosexuals either for even their culture is against the notion of same-sex activity. Now who will the gay members of this society turn to? Would you consider it wise for them to come out? Especially since now that homosexuality is both culturally and religiously unacceptable, the State itself turns against homosexual individuals and goes out of its way to threaten them with discrimination, imprisonment, or even death.

The last scenario is happening in many parts of the world, including most if not all of the Middle East, Africa, and the majority of East and Central Asia.

And yet gay individuals in the United States, only facing discrimination from the religious facets of society can’t wrap their mind around why Asian and African gay me are so closeted, why there isn’t more gay rights in these regions, and why so many remain closeted when they move to the States.

Here, the pastor who is representative of your Deity (whether Jesus, Allah, Elohim, or whoever) can yell at you and call you an abomination, but you have the comfort of knowing that the media and Urban culture is supportive of you.

There, not only is the pastor calling for your death, but even the same culture which provides those delicious dolmas is standing behind the pastor. And culture is something which you can’t escape, for it is the fabric which is woven into your very being.

So the next time you’re looking at the world with your American telescope, take a moment and put things in perspective, and thank God that you live in a country where you can eat your dolmas and worship your Deity too.

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White Washed

Copyright Theodore Gray 2008

I’ve noticed that in the mainstream realm of gay men in the United States, there seems to be this unspoken “ideal” for the gay man and a prejudice which follows for those who differ from the ideal.

Who is the ideal gay man you ask?

Fit, outspoken, fashionable, and most importantly, White.

The first three criteria most can do something about (albeit still ridiculous), the last criterion, however, is borderline racist.

This ugly sentiment is plastered on gay men’s profiles, with headings such as “No Asians or Blacks” or “There’s too many Hispanics on here” or even as far as “Sorry guys, whites only.” Not to mention that every time a gay ad is plastered somewhere, it’s two beautiful white guys holding hands and running on a beach somewhere.

I mean sure, who doesn’t want a man who looks good, can dress himself, and has an opinion or two. But White? Come on, this isn’t medieval Europe anymore.

And if it’s not a direct statement that’s being made, the attitude that white culture outweighs others is definitely present. Most white guys are willing to go on dates with non-whites, but the other party soon realizes that it’s all a front if you’re not white washed yourself.

I’ve personally dated white men who acted like my culture and traditions were completely ridiculous and that I needed to conform to THEIR lifestyle because clearly their way of life was superior to mine.

As a man who’s tried his whole life to hold onto his traditions in this country, I take great offense to this kind of condescending behavior. If people didn’t hold onto their traditions, then everyone in the US would be eating Turkey and mashed potatoes every day, dressing the same, and worshipping the same God. There would be no diversity, no sense of cultural interaction, or improvement in your own culture as people tend to take on good things in other cultures to themselves and keep out the bad.

What saddens me even more is that gay Middle Eastern men especially, conform SO easily. Perhaps it’s a sense that their own culture back home didn’t accept them so they seek a new one that will. Still, it makes them difficult to date when they too, put on a condescending front when they find out that you’ve held onto a shred of your ancestor’s homeland.

Now obviously there’s many gay white men who date Asians, Indians, Blacks, Middle Easterners, etc and accept them for who they are. But the main stream culture is still the giant flamboyant pink elephant In the room and there’s no real change in sight from where I’m standing.

How sad that in Melting Pot of sushi, Chinese, Indian, Shwarma, etc we call home our own community insists on sticking to boiled potatoes for dinner.

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Ringing in the Iranian New Year


For over two thousand years the people of the Silk Road have been celebrating Nowruz, meaning “New Day” in Persian, on the Spring Equinox.

Nowruz today is celebrated by over 300 million people world wide, mostly in the former regions of the Persian Empire, as either the New Year or a major Spring holiday. It is the celebration of the rebirth of nature, the cleansing of one’s slate, and starting anew.

In Iran, Nowruz is celebrated as the most important holiday, even more so than religious holidays, and is practiced by all it’s citizens regardless of religious or ethnic background.

The Hyacinth is the official flower of Nowruz

The Hyacinth is the official flower of Nowruz

It is in Iranian tradition to put a symbolic table together for Nowruz, comprising of “7 S’s” or 7 things which begin with the letter S. Each one is symbolic of something. For example, the garlic represents health and wellness while the mirror represents a reflection of oneself.

The egg reads, "1391" In Iran, the year is 1391 this year.

Nowruz celebrations will last for 2 weeks as is tradition, filled with parties, exchanging of gifts, and visiting family and friends.



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Hi, my name is ________. And I’m a Second Class Citizen.

Yup, that’s what my name tag reads. Why you ask?

When trying to go out with friends and meet new guys, I’m pressured into going to a bar specifically for Gays, because my straight compatriots can’t stand the sight of me showing affection to another man. I am a Second Class Citizen.

When I meet that amazing guy who I fall in love with, I can’t marry him in 44 of my 50 States because I might ‘ruin the sanctity of marriage.’ Meanwhile my straight counterparts can get married for money, citizenship, out of tradition, on a drunken night, or be forced into a marriage. I am clearly a Second Class Citizen.

If I marry the love of my life and now want to establish a family, I can’t adopt children in 40 of my 50 States. Even in the ones I can, I’m given only the option of choosing a special needs child. I am a Second Class Citizen.

When voting for our next President, Senate, or House Representative, I’m forced into voting Democrat, for the other party views me as an abomination to his or her own soil. I am a Second Class Citizen.

When I turn on the television, I either see what straight folks have outlined to be their perfect flamboyant Gay character or see a fellow Gay man get booed on live TV in front of our future leaders and they say NOTHING to defend him. I AM a Second Class Citizen.

Hi, my name is Equality.

And I’m a Second Class Citizen.



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It’s such a strong word. And yet we use it so frequently.

I hate broccoli.

I hate running.

I hate chic flicks.

I hate cats!

So is it any surprise that we use it also so frequently on people?

I hate Hilary Clinton. She’s a bitch.

I hate the Chinese. They steal our jobs.

I hate cheerleaders. They’re whores.

I hate Blacks. They’re so ghetto.

I hate Gays. They’re disgusting.

And yet what is it about these people that’s so hate worthy? What exactly have they done to YOU?

Hilary Clinton is a woman with power. She’s very influential in a world surrounded by sexist men. She HAS to be a bitch!

The Chinese are slaves in their own country. Without their self sacrifice, that six pack underwear you buy for five bucks at the good old Walmart, would cost you 50 dollars if it was made here. Not to mention the MILLIONS of other products the Chinese sell to us dirt cheap.

What have cheerleaders done other than boost up school spirit?

Where would this country be without the centuries of slavery that the African Americans endured? White people sure as hell didn’t raise those crops and establish the wealth of this country with their own two hands. Au contraire, it was established with the crack of the whip on a black man’s back.

If it wasn’t for gay men and women, where would your designer purses, coats, jeans, shoes, dresses, curtains, cabinetry, housing etc etc etc come from? Do you REALLY think that straight male designers are sewing up the newest trends? Of course women play a major role too in the fashion industry, but even they face criticism and discrimination in societies around the world.

We don’t choose our sex. We don’t choose our nationality. We don’t choose the color of our skin. We don’t choose who to be attracted to and love.

But hate, now hate is a CHOICE.

No one is forcing you to hate anyone. You choose to hate people out of ignorance, out of cultural traditionalism, and at many times out of boredom, just to give you something negative to talk about or drama to stir around.

So the next time you decide to hate something, tell yourself: this is a conscious choice I’m making. But do the people I’m about to inflict my poison on have a choice in the matter too?

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