I love dreams. They tell us so much about our conflicts in our lives and how to go about facing them. In dreams you don’t block out pain or fear, you confront it.
A dream I had last night sparked this blog entry.
In the dream, I was throwing a huge celebration, one that I had put my heart and soul into to perfect. And out of nowhere comes no other but my ex-boyfriend, looking amazing, in better shape than I, glowing with all smiles, and becoming the center of attention. The dream ended with him telling me that he had moved a town over from me four years ago, news which was a blow to my self-esteem, to have moved a few minutes away and not have come to see me even once in four years till now?
Back in reality of the awake, it was time for reflection.
Three realizations set it in: He appeared in my dream because subconsciously I knew that Autumn was our most beautiful time together. Him moving close and not talking to me for four years was in conjunction with the fact that we broke up four years ago and haven’t kept in touch. Finally, the sheer power he had on me at the party and my self-esteem just shows me how much that man has shaped me.
The fact of the matter is, the people who we first give our hearts to, who we experience love and sex with, who have our entire being at their disposal, are also (and naturally) the ones who shape how we see and treat our dates in the future.
Some people luck out, for they get married to that first true love and never have to worry about how they treat others because there is no need to date.
While the rest of us are forced to go through a breakup, and how that man or woman treats you during that break up, how much pain is inflicted, what horrible things are said, and how you feel about yourself thereafter plays a huge role in how you interact with men or women in the future.
The first man I gave my heart to, the one who till this day haunts me in my dreams, decided that it’d be best if I was torn to shreds of unrecognizable pieces. He knew that he was my first, he knew that he was the only one I had given my world to, and yet he acted in a way to ensure that I wouldn’t be able to love like that again. The way that my ex treated me has shaped how I treat men I date today, cautiously and consciously, with a big electric fortified fence around my heart.
So be as kind as possible to people who give their hearts to you, even in breakups, because you’ll have a hand in shaping their personality and future too.
Keep dreaming. Keep reflecting. Grow.